Writing: damned if you succeed, damned if you fail.

At least that’s the way that I feel about it. I am always so excited to start creating a story, but as soon as I begin making good progress the fear begins to set in. I look back over the words that I have written and realize that they aren’t awful. They might not be fantastic, they definitely need revisions, but they aren’t terrible. What if I mess them up? What if I continue to work on the story and it only goes downhill from there? What if my depression returns and, trying to power through it, I completely destroy what I have done so far? It has happened before. I have lost more words to those types of writing failures than to any other writing problem that I have ever had.

On the other hand, what happens if I succeed? I will be the first to admit that I battle mental health demons. I don’t want the spotlight shining in my direction. What if my writing actually turns out good? What if people want to read it? How would I withstand the attention? What if it was only my family that thought it was good? Could I even withstand the attention from them?

Indecision leads to fear of moving forward and fear of going back. It is easier to flog myself for the required amount of time, let the story die of neglect, and eventually start writing a different story when the desire becomes too great to ignore.

I would love to hear, other writer, if you have these types of problems. If you do, how do you handle them?

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Marisa

I am a writer of words, a thinker of thoughts, a changer of genders, and a queerer of life. I am an antagonist of the ordinary; and while I do tolerate it, I also look at it with contempt.

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